Hearts Weren't Meant to be Broken
by hedgehogthewriter
Summary: Blackstairs fic. Julian and Emma haven't talked in weeks, not since she learned about the parabatai curse and told him she didn't love him. But now they need to work together for a mission against a demon. Will her true feelings be revealed?


"Jules, I need your help."

Julian Blackthorn barely looked up from the dishes he was washing as Emma Carstairs walked into the kitchen. "I'm busy," was all he replied.

Emma sighed. Julian hadn't said more than a sentence at a time to her since she'd found out why _parabatai_ couldn't be together and told Julian she didn't love him. She had wanted him to stop being in love with her, not cut her out of his life completely. This isn't what she wanted. Well, none of this was what she wanted. All she really wanted to take it all back.

Fortunately, none of that mattered at the moment. She legitimately needed Julian's help with a demon that had been spotted at Griffith Park. She told him as such and thought he would be mature about it and forget about his hatred of her for just this once to save lives.

Emma was wrong.

"Why don't you ask Mark to help you? He's your boyfriend now."

Emma rolled her eyes. "I don't need a boyfriend's help, I need my _parabatai's_ help. You can't just forget about your Shadowhunter duties because you're mad at me."

Julian set down the plate he was cleaning with such force that Emma was surprised it didn't shatter.

"Just give me five minutes." He wouldn't even look at Emma, and she felt her heart breaking even more.

When Julian returned from changing into his gear, he and Emma started the trip to Griffith Park to find the demon that was reportedly attacking innocents.

The entire car ride was silent, and left Emma to her thoughts about how wrong this all felt. _Parabatai_ weren't supposed to fight, _friends_ weren't supposed to fight. Though she wasn't even sure if she could call what was between them friendship anymore.

When they arrived at Griffith Park it took them no time at all to locate the demon. There was a loud scream of terror coming from the historic carousel, and Emma and Julian ran toward the sound to find a giant red demon closing in on a young mundane girl. Emma looked to Julian, who simply nodded to her and took off toward the right side. Emma was grateful that even though they'd seemed to grow apart, at least their communication as Shadowhunters was still intact. Emma ran to the girl cowering from the demon, and lightly grabbed her arm, leading her away from the demon as Julian worked to keep it distracted.

As soon as the girl was clear, Emma ran back to the fight with the demon, where Julian was holding it off with a pair of daggers. It was evident to her, though thankfully not to the demon, that Julian was merely acting as a distraction, slicing the demon with a dagger when he could, dodging attacks when he couldn't.

It was Emma's job to deal the actual killing blow. She managed to sneak up behind the demon while it was focusing its attention on Julian and jumped up onto its back. The demon finally realized what was going on, but it was too late, because Emma only needed a few seconds to lift Cortana and separate the demon's head from its body.

Emma slid down from the demon's back, and looked to Julian to make sure he was okay. He seemed out of breath, but otherwise unharmed. Also, the adrenaline of the battle seemed to have momentarily caused Julian to forget his anger at Emma, as he gave her a small smile.

"Nice work," he complimented.

Emma smiled, glad they were at least talking. "Thanks. You too."

Julian nodded, and then seemed to remember who he was talking to, as his smile dropped.

He started to walk away back toward the car when Emma noticed something.

The demon's corpse had begun to pulse unnaturally.

"What's it doing?" Emma asked breathlessly, nervous that this was some type of new demon they'd never encountered before. The fact that it hadn't disintegrated upon its death like most demons was a little worrisome.

Julian, just as breathless as Emma, stopped moving for a moment. His eyes widened. "I think it's going to explode."

Emma barely had time to register what he'd said when Julian grabbed her arm and started pulling her away from the demon's corpse. It didn't seem that they'd run fast enough, however, because Julian pushed her to the ground, covering his body with her own just a second before the demon's body exploded, spewing demon ichor all over the park.

And, evidently, all over Julian's back.

Emma gasped in pain, feeling through the _parabatai_ bond only a fraction of what Julian must have felt. She looked up to where he still lay above her, and couldn't believe the pain she saw in his eyes.

She immediately pulled out her stele and started working on an _iratze_ rune, which seemed to help ease his pain at least a little.

"Are you okay?" Julian asked, voice hoarse through the pain.

Emma felt tears brimming her eyes. Even now, after all she'd done to hurt him, Julian's first thought was for her. "I should be asking you that. Why would you cover me like that? We could've gotten farther from the demon and avoided more of the ichor if you hadn't pushed me out of the way."

Julian shook his head slowly. "If we did that, then you would've been hurt by the ichor as well. I couldn't bear it if that happened."

"Even now? After everything?" Emma's voice was barely above a whisper, as though speaking any louder would somehow disturb the small peace they'd found.

Julian met her eyes with an intensity Emma hadn't realized how much she'd missed. He'd scarcely looked at her these past few weeks, and Emma couldn't even begin to describe her relief now to have this small part of him back. "You may not love me anymore, Emma. Maybe you never did love me the same way I love you. But no matter what you do or say, there is nothing in this world that could ever stop me from loving you."

"Julian—"

Julian pushed away from Emma to stand up, and it was only with the loss of contact that Emma realized how close they'd been, and how much she craved to have his touch and his warmth once more. "No, really, Emma. It's fine. Just leave it." He started to turn around and walk away, and Emma knew what she had to say. The truth. Finally.

"Jem told me about the _parabatai_ curse," she blurted.

Julian turned around and looked at her inquisitively, but stayed silent, waiting for Emma to continue.

Emma took a deep breath, steeling herself to voice the truth that she'd kept from him for so long. She knew there was no going back after this, but she also couldn't allow the two of them to continue on as they had, barely speaking or looking at each other. They'd both become shells of themselves, and would only be whole once more if they were together.

"If the love between two _parabatai_ becomes more than the love of a brother or friend, if it becomes true, requited, romantic love, the Shadowhunters gain immense power. More power than any Shadowhunter should be able to have. The runes they give to each other are more powerful than any other rune. They verge on full magic, the kind warlocks use. Eventually the magic would make the Shadowhunters go mad with power, at risk of harming everyone around them. Our runes were already turning into that. The _iratze_ I gave you when you were bleeding out… the Endurance rune you gave me before I battled Malcolm…"

Emma watched Julian as he considered this. She imagined she could see the gears turning in his head, processing everything about the _parabatai_ curse.

"That was just before you told me you didn't love me." It wasn't a question, but Emma nodded anyway.

"You pushed me away so I wouldn't love you, so our power wouldn't turn evil." Julian ran a hand through his hair, which had gotten all messed up in the fight against the demon. "You've been dealing with this the whole time. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Emma fought to keep her voice steady as she answered, "Jem said that being told that love is forbidden doesn't kill the love, only strengthens it. I knew I'd never be able to just stop loving you, so I thought it would be easier to try to get you to not love me."

Julian walked closer to Emma and brought her into his arms. "Well, your plan didn't work. I never stopped loving you." His voice was small, but the smile on his face was anything but. "Though you did kind of break my heart."

Emma wanted to laugh at the tone in Julian's voice: half joking, half serious. She knew she'd hurt him, but he was trying to make her feel better about it now, which only made her love him more. "I kind of broke my own heart, too."

Julian leaned down and touched his forehead to hers. Emma sighed in relief and leaned into his embrace. "Hearts weren't meant to be broken like this," Julian whispered.

"No," Emma replied. "But we'll come back from this. Together."

"Together." It was a promise, one that neither of them had any intention of breaking ever again.


End file.
